The Edge of Nowhere

When I arrived here over a year and a half ago I felt that I was quite truly in the middle of nowhere. One of my bosses had quipped that to get here, “you go to the end of the world and turn right”, and it certainly seemed to be true. You fly for hours over the emptiness that is South Sudan and suddenly you bump down on a little dirt patch surrounded by shrubby trees and you are here; here where muddy trails are called a road and the nearest ice-cream is six hours away through the dust of migrating cattle and a zillion thorn trees.
As time has passed however, this “middle of nowhere” spot has taken on a vibrant life of its own and has ceased to be just “nowhere”. It is now a place with memories and faces; a place that has been filled with moments of joy and moments of utter frustration and doubt. As I prepare to leave for my next adventure it is dawning on me that I will miss this unpredictable patch of Africa. Here are some of the highlights that have made this place a little like home for me…

* I now have two lizards that sleep on my door at night. They are super skittish during the day but at night they just climb up onto my door and fall asleep. The lizards, along with the rats have ceased to bother me….well actually the rats still bother me, but they don’t keep me up at night anymore.
* I have survived two devastating fires and witnessed how people can pull together in times of crisis.
* My favorite time of day is dusk when we go to the market and enjoy a small cup of dark, sweet coffee under the shade of a Niem tree.
* I can’t decide which is worse, the mud of rainy season or the heat of dry season, but at any rate there are still those few months when the rains are just starting and the grass pops out of the parched earth which are absolutely stunning in beauty.
* The mud actually has its enjoyable moments…like when you get to slosh through some muddy trail with the vehicle sliding all over the place and in the end you conquer the road. Yes, that feels real good …as long as the vehicle doesn’t get stuck.
* My 16 hour trip through the mud with my friends Gorshi and Nile is probably my most memorable moment here…partly from the absurdity of it but mostly because it was the time I got to know them the best.
* One of the guys I work with actually knows how to use a carpenter’s square now, which after a year and half I feel is a huge accomplishment.
* I have eaten A LOT of goat meat here.
* When a father happily told me he was teaching his son to hate the northerners, my heart bled because it was such a hopeless moment for this country. It was a moment that makes me want to pray and pray and pray for this place. It also makes me long all the more for the King’s return.
* There was one evening when a friend received a package from the US that included some bubbles and he ran around blowing bubbles over all of us. It is a moment of silly joy that I will never forget.
* When the first rain came in April we went out and danced in the rain. The sound of it pounding on the tin roofs is probably the greatest sound I have heard in my time here.
* There are those half-naked, snotty-nosed kids that stand by the road just to wave at the vehicles as they pass by and it makes my day.
Those are just a few of my memories of this place…not all of them are happy memories but that is the way life is, there is good and bad wherever we go.


I have been waiting to say where I will be headed until I knew for sure that it was actually going to happen but it now seems to be in the works so I thought I would fill you in. In March I will be headed to the DR Congo with Sam’s Purse to do some relief work in a couple of the areas that have seen mass displacements of people due to recent fighting. I am excited about this opportunity as Congo is still the country on this planet I would call home. I am also quite nervous and would ask for your prayers as I try to remember the languages of my youth. (French, Swahili, Lingala)

A Moment of Rest

If I could sum up my life right now I’d sum it up with the song “Big Sam Thompson” by Chris Thile. I find it somewhat ironic that I am listening to bluegrass music in the 105 degree heat of a parched Sudan, as I typically associate bluegrass music with the back-country hills of America where the music seems to blend with the beauty of the mountains and the changing of the seasons. Nonetheless, I swing gently in my hammock and listen as the music winds its way through the rafters of my thatch home; the violin’s melody hovering in the hot air, punctuated by the piercing notes of the mandolin. I sway in my hammock, sweating in the extreme afternoon heat, and let the music remind me of all that is beautiful and painful in this world, because after all, the music if filled with both beauty and pain.
I think there are times when our lives really could be put to a song that speaks of the hardships, victories and love we are encountering. We go through the day uncertain of what might befall us, trusting that regardless of what may come, there is One who knows what he is doing with our lives. As I prepare to move on from my present work, there are a lot of uncertainties that lie ahead, looming like some vast precipice on the horizon. In times like this it is far too easy to forget to look around. It is far to easy to miss the beauty that is never too far beyond our next footfall. I am reminded over and over again that we are told to “wait on the Lord”. I think that perhaps part of waiting is also taking the time to look around; taking the time to let the music lift our spirits out of dumps and just reveling in the wonder of the moment we are in regardless of all the doubt and fear it may hold.
My dad and his good friend Mukanirwa like to remind each other is Swahili, “Usi tembea imbele ya Yesu”, which simply means, “you shouldn’t walk in front of Jesus”. It is a great reminder when times are uncertain. Getting ahead of Jesus usually leads to falling off the precipice of uncertainty that lies ahead, while following him leads to green pastures and cool waters where the soul is refreshed and Jesus gets the glory.
Maybe I am just suffering a nostalgic moment on a quiet afternoon as I listen to my music, but then again, it is a moment filled with longing and waiting for the King. It is a moment when, despite the questions that plague the road ahead, I am able to rest because I know the One who knows the answers to all those questions.


Also I wanted to let you know that I have started a separate blog for some of my attempts at poetry. If you're interested it can be found at the wazi poet.

Messy Hands

I was looking at my hands, and they are a mess! For starters, they are sweaty and the sweat does a marvelous job of mixing with the dust that is everywhere to form mud. Then, of course, there is some grease and a little bit of paint dotting my fingers and the creases of my palms where it just won't wash out. Add to that the blotchy dots where my skin is reacting to the soap I’ve been using and the blister from the digging work I was doing today and it is more than apparent that my hands are a mess.
One of my favorite worship songs is a beautiful Spanish song that talks about offering our hands and our lives to the Lord because he is precious to us. I was listening to that song and looked at my hands and all I could think was – what a mess! As I was thinking that, it also struck me that it was a great analogy for the rest of my life. I come to Jesus and I am a mess just like my hands are. But I come anyway because he didn’t come to save perfect people but messed up people. He doesn’t even use perfect people to do his work but builds his kingdom on the offering of our messy lives for his service. That is a huge comfort to me.
My time here in this part of Sudan is quickly drawing to a close. I am planning on leaving here in mid-March and where I go from here is still uncertain which can be a bit daunting. What the journey looks like from here is far from certain but I am confident that the King will be able to take these messy hands of mine and use them for something noble and true that builds up his Kingdom. Sometimes I look at my hands, or my life, and I wonder what purpose they will be used for, especially in their current state. It is a good thing I serve a creative King who has a use for me!